do you like this?

i like this.

oh hello blog

that i haven't been in contact with for many a days. quickie i guess, so i get my license on monday, my big kid not allowed to smile in the picture license so i can stop carrying around that mcnasty blue peice of paper and i'm pretty excited. i still haven't driven on the interstate buuuut that can wait until another week because i don't think my stomach can take it. that thing is just plain creepy. i've been over at meghan's house for the majority of the time this week. not really but it seems like it. she's still in denial about the whole school starting back again thing. i on the other hand have finished my school shopping and have almost picked out my first day of school outfit, i'm ready to get this year over with. i finished the rule of four... and am still a little shaky about 1984. joshy josh is reading it for his summer reading too. joshy the sophmore, he's an over achieving fourth highest GPA in his grade kind of thing. well he was in that HORRIBLE freshman class this year and he goes to dengeigh. i actually think my GPA is higher than his. how sad and i am like... 30'ish?

anywho, i dyed meghan's hair tonight. bye bye black. she just didn't have that intense white-ness complexion to pull it off i guess(: it's now like a light brown/redish/brown kind of color. i never got to see the final product because i had to be home by ten. and here we are.

yeah. oh and the nickelback concert wasn't horrible surprisingly. i knew every song (unfortunately) and counted every time a band said the f word. i didn't think it would be fair for the main performer because they had a longer set but papa roach said it 31 times. and hinder said it 28 times.

tsk tsk. people shoud be able to excite their audience without the use of profanity, but that is just my opinion, of course.

i'm going to go clean something now. i don't know what yet, but i have a need to clean.

sooner or later.

so i just re-dyed my hair back to black for my senior portrait, well my roots at least i'm seriously praying that it looks fine. i really need to invest in a hair dryer because i am super nervous about the turnout.
i really didn't want to redo it, but senior portraits are next week, well actually it's on wednesday... but anywho. so my hair is hopefully all one color now (:

but after pictures i am going to look up a way to get this hair dye off my hair and get it back to brown or something because i'm tired of black. now i know why my mom never dyed her hair it is waaay to much of a hassle to maintain.

D:

yeah, night.

i

probably won't be blogging for awhile. i haven't found the inspiration to in a long time and i am don't want to just give play by plays.
i'm going to bed now, probably not.
i'll just attempt to read the rule of four and pray that it gets better after page 100.

i'm a little upset. hopefully saturday will be fun, hanging out with joshy and his parents. it's uncle tommy's 60th birthday.

fun.

this

weekend has been of epic proprtions.
some ups
some downs

and when i get my mind straight, i'll give you a kosher, objective view of these thrilling past few days.

oh yeah.

the sadness is kicking in now.
i'm going to cry now.
and then go to sleep because the sooner i sleep the faster it will be tomorrow.
and amanda i'll be with amanda.

night.

i

should be more upset that things with david didn't work out, but i'm not.
his brother decided he didn't want to go to california so alas. but i'm not even way too upset, i mean i am but i'm not in hysterics. I guess maybe because it wasn't sooo close i could almost taste it and have it taken away.
but in the email he sent he said he would be visiting VA in november, december, or january. that's good enough for me.i mean if he visits in january katie and i will both be eighteen and that's fun in itself(: katie already has her party planned... well actually so do i, but mines just not set in stone... and i won't be eighteen when i celebrate.
i guess maybe i'm not upset because i woke up in such a good mood? and it hasn't quite kicked in yet.
but amanda tomorrow(:

i had the weirdest dream last night... like we were doing vacation bible school but the church had a way intense back yard and there were a lot more black people, but i remember eating a salad and got ketchup on my wedding dress and steven said something to me about being a loner because i was eating in the hallway rather than being with everyone else... and meggo kept spending the night at gabriella's house and i got upset because of some reason and we took the group photo and every single child and adult was wearing black... except for me who was wearing a wedding dress and kennywood sweatpants and ballet flats (white)... but i wasn't the only one. all the black people were in white too. it was weird and i kept thinking to myself how this would be another vacation bible school photo i'd look stupid in. an we looked like a giant cult like children of the corn or something. and then there were other parts but they are fuzzy. except for some weird school and ms. susan wanting me to use this computer to call my parents and what it did was interrupt my parents tv watching and announce my message and the only reason gabriella's mom picked me up (because they forgot me) was because meggo told her she left her do yoga with your baby tape and as soon as we got to gabriella's meggo spent the night at my house... weird. oh and i lost my ipod and cell phone but i found it in a baseball hat... very weird.

but i keep thinking about why i am not more upset about david.
why am i not more upset about this?

i actually

wrote down a blog last night on a piece of notebook paper after i finished reading, but this will do just as well. father seems to be warming up nicely to the Britney idea and i got my itunes card today.
i also payed off my debt to itunes, found out there was an avatar movie (EEEP), maybe getting to see kanye west and lady gaga in december, and the best new yet: i'm going to california to see my grandma... maybe. now i know you guys are like, oh grandma that's cool, but that isn't the exciting part. this is: in august david will also be in california for his brother's baseball game thing. ARE YOU GETTING THIS?! i might be able to see david after such a very long year. ahh, i'm just so happy, i almost cried at chedders. He needs to email me back pronto when he's going ti be in CA though. and i need to ask my grandma if i could go see him too... but still the possibility of seeing him... that makes it worth it. And then maybe Katie could come too? It would be like what i did with Meghan. like she comes with me, but she pays for her stuff and plane ticket and such... bad news it's like $300 for tickets, but if she can go and we have te trio back together. and in all places CALIFORNIA?! amazing. i'm thinking Disneyland!!! :D

oh and another good thing, today i got my ap scores back... now a three might not sound too good at first, but at least i passed right and i think thomas nelson will take a three for an english grade. and i got a two on the practice test and lake said what we go ton that is probably what we'd get on the real thing. TAKE THAT LASKE. heather was upset she got a three, but i'm happy. considering the "shit-tastic-ness" of one of my essays... ahh. good life.

my mood was crushed for thirty minutes or so when torie, who i haven't spoken to or seen in ages, comes to my house out of the blue to gloat her new car at me... she knows why i can't get a car and how i have the crappy focus, but she was like blah blah blah i'm poor look at my new car!! gag me, but oh well. i'll get over it. she's always been good at pushing my buttons and upsetting me.

oh welllll, but david. eeep!
and amanda on saturday... eeep.

life is good(:

i just want to say

that my hair smells incerdibley amazing. i'd like to say that in the sanctity of my blog rather than a twitter update or a facebook status because people can respond there and mock me... or something like that. today was a big goose egg, i woke up at 12:00 which means a late night tonight and a early morning, hopefully, if i have the will power to get up. there is nothing on the tele and i couldn't watch anything there anyways since my mom is sleeping on the sofa. so i'll read. im reading is kissing a girl who smokes like licking an ashtray? i've had that book since sixth grade when i borrowed it from my science teacher miss holmes and like it so much that i bought my own copy. six years later i still haven't finished it, so that will be my goal for tonight. I really really really need to read a summer reading book before the month is up (three books, three months).
saturday is rapidly approaching and amanda hasn't infuriated her mother into canceling our plans, i'm so happy and proud. Now that may sound bad, but it's true many a plan has been shot down close to the date. keep fingers crossed.
i ended up seeing harry potter, but not with gabriella. But i don't care i got to see it with my parents and we got there around 11ish so we got to see it in a large theatre. I sat next to a very attractive house elf who was wearing some weird toga like attire, but i didn't mind. (: the movie was amazing, i know some people will pull a "twilight me" thing, but since i never read book six i got to watch it with an "ignorance is bliss" attitude. Apparently they changed a whoooole lot, but it was mostly minor things? that's what mother said. and i'm glad they cut the funeral out, even though most people didn't like that, because bye the time tom felton started crying out of frustration i was silently balling my eyes out for the death of dumbledore which hadn't even happen yet.
movies for number seven will require tissues i guarantee, well at least for me.
mmm, what elseeeee.
nothing.

night(:

--

gabriella's mom wants harry potter to be a "bonding experience" between her and her daughter.

so i didn't panic for nothing, let's see how it goes.

i mean i have a ticket and everything. i'll be heartbroken if things don't work out.

i have decided

that when i become a teacher i will have a poster of albert einstein in my classroom.

great news from the mothership

in roughly 25 hours i wll be at the movie theatre awaiting to see harry potter. gabster and i are going to go see it. she doesn't have her ticket yet, but i'm hoping she gets it tomorrow because i'm really nervous. I know i panic and worry too much for my own good, but what if her mom changes her mind and she can't go or they run out of tickets??? what am i supposed to do, but that is ridiculous... i hope. and i'm still buttering my father up for the big news. the news i have failed to blog about. i am trying to convince my father and i to go see britney spears in concert(: now some of you guys are like "wow victoria you are soo stupid, britney is just some white trash..." well i happen to enjoy her. she'll be in north carolina in september, the catch: the concert is on my father's birthday, but i'm pretty sure i can weasel him into doing it. I'm counting it as my 18th birthday present. :D

buuut in other more recent news i finished unwinding. it is a slow read, but totally worth it. i started rule of four this afternoon... i still can't seem to get into 1984; i'll save that for last. what else? i got new shampoo. well it is this giant back to college bag, it has shampoo, conditioner, mouse, shine spray, deep conditioner, and mascarra. it was only 10 dollars. i thought it was a deal... and the whole "i'm a senior thing" kicked in this weekend when i got my flyer in the mail to do my senior portrait. oh dearrr. it's july 29th.

three days after the nickelback concert. i don't like nickelback, btw. i actually can't stand them, but saving abel is going to be there and i enjoy them. and it's meggo bonding time.(:

well that's all that's floating around in my world lately. i know i won't be going to bed until at least after midnight, goshdarnit.

my house (edit)

the luxorious backyard loveseat from our house.


the pihanna is me attacking meghan the fish.


is super unbearably hot. and meghan strongly agrees. this will be a group post because she needs to put in her two cents also of these surprisingly amazing two days. the lock in? didn't suck, i actually enjoyed myself. we went lazer tagging and i paid for meghan because i wasn't properly informed so i paid for meggo because i am not too fond of runnning around in barely any light shooting people. apparently it had no air conditioning and, like me house, was unbearably hot. but P.C. showed up and chilled with me for a few and i thought andy was in super tremendous trouble and i texted katie. she said karma, but everything ended well and when we got back to church we made houses and then we got to symbolically burn them down. roxanna made a black person and steven put it in his house... the black man did not survive... somehow that seems racist. ANNNND we had smoothies! made with missy love (jeremy's boo). And then after that we played like a bagillion rounds of hide and go seek because the scavenger hunt was a flop. I just want to say that I am not afraid of the dark. I am afraid of finding things in the dark. And I found steven. DEAR SWEET BABY JESUS. I found steven, hiding in a cardboard box under one of the tables, I swear I was screaming nbloody murder and gabriella, who was hiding, was trying so hard not to kaugh at me apparently. By then it was about four in the morning and me, steven, bethany, meggo, james, lindsay and some others went to go watch the movie hot rod. It is totally my new favorite movie, words cannot describe how much i love it and all of it's fake mustache glory. Cogs and I left around 5:40 and headed home, and then went to Mickey D's for some nomage. OH and then we went to 7-11 and got free slurpess. it was epic... why? because she wasn't wearing shoes. we came home and crashed until one and then mother made us go out to eat at el mariachi's ( which i think is > than plaza... and meggo agrees) (!!! :D) and then we went to coldstone and christie wasn't there, but richard was and i hadn't seen him in ages so it was nice to see him. And then we headed to Target and I pushed Meghan around in the buggy, people stared. And i got AHANNAHMONTANABINDER! 99 cents. yeahhh. then home, then VA living museum, where i got to see a real pirhanna! :D and I GOT TO SEE AMANDA. I drove there to get yet another free slurpee but the people ahead of us got the last cups!! D: it was true fml situation. because we drove to like 3 other 7-11's. but back to amanda she was proud of my license/car and we got the grand tour of their newly refurbished home and it was nice and I Came home and then I had dinner and here we are! oh andi got the new ew magazine in the mail today (: harrpy potter was on the front. so exciting. i personally ripped out emma watson and theat ginny girl whose name is bonny or something, but the worst news ever: rupert has swine flu! D: but i'm sure he'll be fine. but there is a picture i'm going to give gabriella for her daniel/harry wall. the photo is quite enjoyable if i do say so myself.

yes, these past two days were very satisfactory.




COGS: i am so full right now.yes,that's all i can think of.ehhh. hmm. she shot me,bang bang she shot me! and i ate like an hour ago.sooo much food.and im really disappointed about not getting that slushie.duuuude.FMLx10. at least the other places put signs on the doors.
i drove!!!!
like,on an actual road!!!
it was greeeat :)
hmmmm.
i have all the sudden craved an ice cream cone from Chick-Fil-A.
and they are super dooper cheap.....
hot diggity.
and they are building one like,right now down the road....
AHHHH
my food is coming back for me.


but yes, i'm sure that's it for now besides these two picture's that will mess up the entire structure. I'll just leave them on the top.

ahhh, i hate how slow email is nowadays.
i'll edit later.

so this

will be a quickie because i am running the water for my bath and then i have to clean my bathroom and later I'll be going to the lock-in not the entire t hing though, probably until ten or eleven. Meghan will be going and that will be good because Katie isn't going to be there and she is my metaphorical rock. then tomorrow we don't don't know what we are going to do yet, but the plan is to drive around and go to all the 7-11's and get free slurpees. a tradition that started in the summer of 2005, I believe... at Impact Richmond and mister Jim drove us around town and we got free slurpees from like three different ones... i miss those times...

but yes, this post is basically about my retainer. I have been wearing it to bed since I have found it, but i wake up and it isn't in my mouth. I'm sleeping on it. And every morning it is in the exact same spot. It's really really weird... maybe instead of sleep walking i have sleep take off your retainer... weird.

but i just wanted to put that down. I'm going to go do that list of chores and such.
set sail for fun times ahead.

isn't

this the cutest picture ever?
not really but i rather enjoy how ryan and i are bonding over a bag of cheese puffs.

i, like miss todd, proudly wear my band shirts even if the band is no longer together.

amandajoylowitz.

i love my best friend and this is why:
Amanda:
i think i'll stay single for a long time
a really really long time
vicksterr,:
haha, and then you'll meet a sexy danielle radcliff rpattz man and will fall in love and live happily ever after
PMAmanda:
ahahahahahha. yup yup
with the body of zach efron
PMvicksterr,:
i'd marry rpattz.
even if he doesn't bathe.
i'd marry that
9:55 PMAmanda:
and id get daniel, even if he acted like a horses lover
and then our husbands would already be friends
and we are best friends
and wed raise our kids together!
itd be perfect lol!
9:57 PMvicksterr,:
and then our children would get married and we'll be in the SAME FAMILY
life would be good
PMAmanda:
seriously good!
itd be the perfect ending
PMvicksterr,:
haha, and we'd be neighbors.
life would be good.
PMAmanda:
ahaha. wed like go over each others house for breakfast everyday.
Mvicksterr,:
and slumber parties when we are like 60.
PMAmanda:
and still do everything the same.
PMvicksterr,:
hahaha. life is good.
PMAmanda:
wed like take vacas together
ahahahaha the best life
PMvicksterr,:
to new zealand because we were rich and we could
PMAmanda:
and to europe cause were rich and our husbands have dual citizen ship
PMvicksterr,:
and i'd get a chin reduction.
:D
and plastic surgery so i don't have to diet.
why because i am lazy.
PMAmanda:
ahaha. and id lipo my thighs
PMvicksterr,:
i'm have the fat from my thighs put into my toosh
i'd have a bootay!
PMAmanda:
thats what id do to!
PMvicksterr,:
:DDDD
what the?
D: face!
PMAmanda:
:D
PMvicksterr,:
*D
PMAmanda:
D:
PMvicksterr,:
8D ahhhh
PMAmanda:
:P
ahaha
:/
vicksterr,:
i hate preset smilies
[insert code here]
PMAmanda:
me to
PMvicksterr,:
whoaaaa what's tha
PMAmanda:
they are always so ugly
Mvicksterr,:
?@1
I LOVE THIS SONG!


props if you actually took the time to read this.

the church.

is full of hypocrites, and yes i have known this for some while, but it is like they say things about someone and then do a complete 180 when it comes to the confrontation. DANECHAPMAN has never disappointed me as much has he did today. The only thing I got out of that meeting is that the parents have failed Andy and the youth need to suck it up and not do fellowship. and then sherry staples had the audacity to call out Katie's mother and say that she formed a lynch group against Andy. Even my mother did the "oh shit, did she really say that" face when I told her. Oh and the other thing I got out of this is that Jim was a horrible youth pastor and that all he did was play games with us. FYI you badwords my faith was strongest with Jim. I felt like I could go to him with any problems and that he really cared. I can't do that with Andy. he just can't relate. he thinks saying I'm sorry for your problem and handing you a bible verse and sending you off on your way solves problems. NO, it does not work that way. And then brittany she always says stuff about andy, but when it comes to her coming and voicing her issues: a no show. And then Gabriella's parents, ms. chapman, miss julie, miss staples, dane, lindsey... all they did was say how Jim wasn't doing his job and he didn't teach us. and in lindsey's words "youth is not a play pen." It wasn't a play pen and I can't see why she said because she enjoyed youth group with Jim and we did do lessons. And she doesn't like andy that much either, she talks about him behind his back as much of the rest of us do...

and no one even bothered listening to Katie, even when she was stating her views calmly and objectively.

it's just so frustrating. i'm venting to amanda right now. i'm lucky to have her and i love her so much and i just feel as though i take her friendship for granted sometimes.
I need to make it up to her somehow, but we'll see what the future holds.

i

found my retainer today. i'm wearing it now. i'm so cool. haha. i started reading 1984 today, my summer reading book, it isn't really all that great, it'll probably get better though, i mean i'm not even on chapter two yet. And then i'm still reading only revolutions and my dad gave me this book called unwind so I'll be reading that too. I keep thinking back to in AP when laske said he leaves a stack of books on his dresser that he wants to read and finish during the summer. he never finishes, btw. I think i have laske-itis, i don't have a stack on my end table, but if i stacked how many books i've read this summer and plan on reading it would be quite the pile. reading as a hobby just shows my lack of social life.

speaking of social life and how i envy those who have one i ran into not one, not two, but three girls i knew and weren't too fond of while out. karly, shelby, and alaina. really? i can't even go to walmart and not be reminded of how mneck i am. I mean shelby isn't too bad, she's actually quite nice, but the other two are as ugly on the inside as they are beautiful on the out.

and did you know at walmart in the freezer section they sell individual chocotacos and burritos? i don't even need to eat out anymore. I can live off .16 ramen and .35 microwavable burritos. just kidding that wouldn't be the healthiest diet to have. I think i'd either loose weight because i wasn't eating much or i'd get really fat because what i was eating wasn't healthy at all.

we had chinese for dinner tonight and it wasn't even my idea, it was mother's. I had broccoli with garlic sauce and a side of white rice. it was really good, i was expected bland brocoli and having to put soy sauce on my rice for flavor, but it was really good. I'll have to get the recipe and fix it at home.

this blog seems really scatter thoughted? if that is really a statement... but oh well i can't stop now, I'm just writing it down as I think of what I did today. I watched two movies and the begining of another one, but i thought it was really stupid and changed it to john and kate plus eight which is such an amazing show, laugh all you want but i am addicted. back to the movies the first was a movie called needful things or something like that and it was about the devil coming down (up?) to maine and he turns the entire town against eachother and he feeds off their hate, interesting concept if i do say so myself. and then i flipped over to sundance and watched a movie called 13 tzamenti and it was amazing, i even twittered about it. It was about his boy who needed money so he takes the place of this guy in a "fatal game" and the game is this giant russian roulette like thing and everyone gets bullets and they stand in a circle and shoot the person in front of them. the last person standing (winner) gets the prize money. I don't want to spoil the ending, but it was so good and so sweet... the last movie, earth girls are easy, is this stupid movie where aliens see american girls on tv and at pools and they are all like "oh baby" and come to earth... yeah stupid... that's why i didnt watch the entire thing.

OH AND

i finally got to see the hannah montanna "he could be the one" episode, it was sooo amazing, bahaha.i can't believe she didn't choose jesse... i would have chosen jesse.

but i'm going to go start unwind, later(:

drumroll, please. edit.

tada! (:

i know it isn't much, but i really hope to continue doing fun stuff and adding to it. It is by no means able to be compared to gabriella, meghan, or mclovin's, but it is a start. it is nice to know i have a place to put my shake top collection somewhere that is not my wallet, since they take up so much space. stevey fresh wants me to go to the lock-in, but i really am not sure what is going to go down on thursday when katie and i speak our opinions about andy. I mean if he is forced to resign like katie and i want then will there even be one? but they might let him have this lock in and finish up the month. If he's being fired I will go for sure. It will be a, a farewell gesture of sorts. haha, that does sound pretty mean, doesn't it? It isn't meant that way.

so since i don't have a memory card for my camera because gabriella and christina lost it; i took the picture with my phone and sent it to my email. the message is taking forever to be received and i wrote this is the meantime... and i am tired of the computer so i'll go back and and edit this post with picture in it.

sorry, verizon is such a fail network sometimes.

woah.

two blogs in one day, something good must be going on.
hahaha.
i'll soon be hanging out with amanda, which is high on my list.
and moving on to more important things...

dear amanda,
i told you. i told you. i told you. i told you. i told you.
he's a creeper.
love, me.

that wasn't meant to be mean or insulting in any way possible. I heard from Meghan that he went to one of her friend's houses to work on a physic's project and he kept feeling her up and she had to kick him out. ewwwuh. D:

but that's enough on that subject.

i'm almost halfway done with only revolutions, and i have been reading up a storm. I brought it over to gabriella's yesterday so i could read while we were babysitting, but we ended up playing boxers or briefs, which in my oppinion is the best game in the entire world... well only if you don't play by the rules. we played it four different ways, but the last round playing it as a dating show was probably my favorite. that's about it really, well except for this stupid ew magazine i got. MJ tribute, gag me with a spoon. let it go already. everyone is like oh he's a freak, but as soon as he dies people are all like oh no, he was so great. shut up. he got basically half the magazine, fifty pages. farrah fawcett got three. ed mcmahon got 3/4 a page and billy mays? he got two paragraphs...

people are so eck sometimes.

everyone has their breaking points;

and i have met mine. i find it hard to respect someone who shows no respect for me or the other people around me. i understand that a youth leader's main job is to inform children about jesus and and the bible, but it needs to be done in a fun way, in a way that the smaller children can understand. I have tried multiple times and given many chances to Andy, but he has squashed any hopes of me, or a multitude of other senior and junior high children, of returning. He is rude, sexist, and is incapable of getting things such as games, mission trips, or even lessons together. He has relied on the senior high so heavily that the majority have given up and left, they like I, thought that the first few months were the hardest and Andy needed time to adjust, but it is coming up on a year next fall and there has been no improvements whatsoever. This may sound harsh and the members of the SPRC only hired him to teach us about the Bible, but I have learned more about the Lord in Gabriella's father's testimony than I had in any of Andy's faux lessons. He is incapable of doing his job and I think it is in the youth group's best interest that he no longer is a part of it. At the rate Mr. Gheron is going there will not be a youth group for him to teach or lead, and there is no reason they should pay him for doing nothing.

There is a lock-in on Friday, I might go, but I doubt it. The only reason I would consider would be for my friends, but I'm pretty sure none of them besides Steven and maybe James will be there. I probably will no longer attend youth group, the former highlight of my week, and I will slowly stop attending that church. I'm tired of him, and if anything he is the reason I am struggling with my faith. Favortie Aunt Kathy said, "As a Christian a person should be able to walk the walk before they talk the talk." And Andy is in no way practicing what he believes he is preaching.

no time like the present,

i find it seemingly ironic that at seven o'clock tonight i could have gone to sleep, but at twelve forty-five i'm awake... and there is church tomorrow. i wonder if it would be really really disrespectful if i wore sweatpants because that is all i have really worn in the last two weeks. i've been rotating between my gray "rpantz", kennywood, and for lounging around the house cheer shorts that i think i've had since fifth grade. i hardly throw clothes away if they fit and there is nothing wrong with them and then if they don't: thrift store. I hate throwing anything away. But speaking of throwing away my room is clean, rearranged, and i decorated my wall for the first time. yes, it is exciting, well to me at least. i pinky swear to post a picture eventually. fourth of july was pretty uneventful i spent most of it with meggo and we bounced between helping my mom, cooking, and reading. i finished my first summer reading book today. it was the curious... something about dogs in the nightime, and i have to say it was pretty good. I actually enjoyed reading it. I bought a copy of Only Revolutions for myself because barnes and nobles had a copy and I was pretty upset that the paperback cover is different than the hardback, even though the PB version is aesthetically pleasing i really enjoyed the eyes on the HB. Annndddd I finally watched the entire princess protection program movie, it was pretty good for a made for television movie, but the alternate ending was lame to say the least...

it's borderline one now so i am going to attempt to get some sleep.
(:

you know,

reading ellen's blog really inspires me. i know that my mind is hot and cold on ideas, thinking i want to do something, but then i change my mind. i'm pretty sure i talked to you guys about this in a previous post about who she is and that she's working a a nutritionist in Haiti, and well it has me thinking. she is just one person and she's over there working with other individuals making a difference. i know i'm not the best candidate for things like this since i am such a city kid, spoiled in lamest terms, i can't survive without air conditioning and i groan internally and sometimes externally when someone tells me to do something that would would require any bit of effort... now don't get me wrong, i can get the job done and once it is completed i feel so much better about myself, but i always, not second guess myself, but i don't really know how to describe it. hopefully you can make more sense of my thoughts and ramblings than i can. anyways, i've always wanted to help people and i was listening to my father talk about his boss' recent plane trip back to virginia and how the person who sat next to him on the plane was a college student who was in this program where she went overseas and taught to underprivileged children. this program is similar to teach for america, but instead of working with americans you work with people in other countries.

it's just that all my life i've had such an easy time and there are people out there sleeping in bus stations in large groups because they can't be at home for fear that they would probably be abducted and forced to fight in a war that isn't their own. i want to help those people. us americans, in general, we buy the save darfur bracelets, attend the concerts, buy the shirts... but after we do that we let it drop, tell ourselves that we did a good thing and eventually the bracelet gets lost, you outgrow the shirt, and the concert just becomes a fuzzy memory.

i want to do something more permanent than buy a bracelet that puts the two children interact supports in school. i want to help teach those children and provide hope to them.

but who knows my opinion might change tomorrow, but for once i hope that i'll stick to one of those ideas that pop into my mind.