mmm

so, things are better. i just needed some time away from my awful at times parentals.
i just got back from a weekend long stay at amanda's and i am ready to stay a bubble bath take on that math and APES project headfirst.

you know if i'm dead you wouldn't have to worry about money past the funeral and you could sell all my things to pay for that.
you wouldn't have to bother trying to figure out why i'm upset.
you wouldn't have to bitch at and moan at me to work on things.

and i wouldn't have to worry about the future.

--

i love these, they always reassure me that it isn't just me who feels that way.

i almost didn't blog today

but dinner made me think otherwise. i hate to blog and state all the negatives, but today was simply abhorred up until latin.
i am so ready for high school to be over, i am so ready to never see half of these people again, i am so ready to make a fresh start. it's all a part of my three step mantra/plan "skinny pretty healthy." having these three things would significantly change my outlook on life and help me live a better life. I am now on a strict vegetarian diet. No meat whatsoever, no flexing, and I am going to watch what I eat: fat calories carbohydrates. and i am going to exercise somehow that is fun. So when I move, I'll be a brand new person that no one knows.

But back to dinner, I just wanted to mention the total gooberoids that spent the entire dinner talking about dungeons and dragons. pahaha. please take notice that these people were all at least in their late twenties or older.

If I follow my mantra/plan, I won't have to worry or deal with people like that. I'll be part of a social elite that owns a north face jacket and ugg boots.
i am so superficial and unrealistic at times.

i once again

screwed up majorly and didn't turn in my national honor society forms. god dammit how do i expect to get into a decent college if i have nothing worthy on my transcript. i am worthless, unorganized, and an overall failure at life.
i'll lie to my mother and say that i just didn't get in because i can't take her bitching at me again about how i never do anything.

AGHH.

oh and

word on the street is that alaska is getting me this shirt for my birthday !!!



words cannot express my excitement.!
I'll have to get her an amazing present to make up for this.

oh hello veganism day: five.

i am so tired of peanut butter bagels. happily my week ends on monday and i plan on celebrating by eating a snickers at lunch and after school eating Gouda cwasont. (:

it isn't too bad, but i could never do it for like my life, I'd miss dairy too much... i could go with out eggs though.

so tonight I plan on going to the mall with meghann, I slowly feel her replacing coglio. trading one meghan for the other, but she's been busy with the lame ass play rehearsals so that's probably why. Maybe I'll invite her to come with us.

So all my tests went fine besides english which took forever and I don't care if i do bad on it because a) i have like a 100.25 in the class and b) i hate the Canterbury tales. I'll be so happy when we are done because I think after that we are moving on to a novel unit and novel units are my favoriteee. So I just printed out my national honor society form... every time I look at it I feel so little and under accomplished... like if i didn't go to latin club or participate in church I would be so bad. I have to write one kick bottom essay if I want to get in...

sighh, i should do that now, but i won't so whatever and then I have to call mother so she can bring home my pH strips for my science project. I'm highly considering going to it because hedgepeth will give us a 96 on a test just for participating and I could use that... but i mean my project isn't that great and just like that NHS form I feel very under qualified.

oh well I have until monday to decide. It will probably be a negative though.
I need to stop doubting myself and start trying.
Maybe I will enter.

oh hello veganism day: four.

i hate thursdays.
and vampire diaries.
and the cantebury tales.

well i actually like thursdays, but not the whole aspect of my father going to class tonight and my mother going to her jesus class. which leaves me home, i mean i could go somewhere and do something, but it is just too much effort. i haven't had dinner yet, and i don't think i will have any either because my vegan friendly general tso noodle dish was disgusting to say the least. i took like two mini bites and chucked it where it belonged: our large red rubbish bin. If my hunger starts to bother me i'll just chop up some fruit and wash it down with some super nom tastic orange juice+calcium. (:

i have a math test, english test, latin quiz, and bicycling test tomorrow. a test of some sort in every class, way to bring in the weekend. then after school, mother and i will head to the mall because i need to go, like fo realz.

so i just popped out of the tub and don't you just love the feeling of freshly bathed and you radiate a warmth that allows you to bask for a spell without being dressed and you aren't cold? so it's just me? dang.

yeah well, those tales won't learn themselves... (ACKKK)
night.

oh and enjoy these newly taken pictures of my cats.




cutest pictures of nubadeez yet, she looks so asian when the flash is on :D

i love

1. historical and foreign movies.





2.nesting dolls





3. peacocks




4. lady gaga's fashion sense.





5. forgive durden

i wonder

how my mood can so severely change from fine to horrible in one small action.
this is another one of those days i wish i had a creative outlet or something to pour myself into.

is it too early to make a birthday wish list?

three weeks prior notice is okay, right?

it would probably be vain to ask for massive plastic surgery on my body, but i want need it. i want to be able to start anew and then exercise and eat right to keep it in nice shape.

moving on.

+total body makeover.
+a bunny.
+this crazy adorable bag in the nesting doll variety (:
+a staple free stapler, ever since i saw big d's , i have been obsessed over them.
+this picture by my favorite srtist marc johns, it's my favorite, btw.

yeah, that's really all i can think of...
yeah.
this blog just got awkward.

oh hello veganism day: two/three.

i've 76 inches and 88 keys to get me where i want to be;
it's not enough.

i looove shaant, it is so upsetting that CIWWAF broke up this summer (and the hush sound too) because they made such magical music together.

today in gym class we had to go biking at the park and it was HORRIBLE my thighs still hurt; it was sooo windy and half the time i had to ride against the wind and i was like AGHHH, but i survived, and today was the last day of biking, hallelujah.

tonight i hope snugy snug will take us to plaza because ever since miss cooke discussed it during fourth period i have been craving it so.

and also yesterday i finished pride and prejudice and zombies, very good book highly recommended by me (: and now i feel as though i need to read something else, and not my APES book even thou i said i would finish it by thanksgiving break and i don't think that will be happening. i never know global warming or the proving of it not to be true could be sooo booring. and there is also the topic of my science project that is due on tuesday that i have yet to start... i'm thinking do it over the weekend and write the paper on sunday and monday. i hope in college we don't have to do them because they are so unnecessary, I mean i wasn't to be a history teacher when i grow up... i don't need to know about chemistry to do that...
speaking of education, my government political party thing i believe is due tomorrow or monday. our platform is reforming the educational institution, and by researching this I have slowly started to doubt about President Obama, he's like Mr. Traner: an amazing person, but you don't want him leading/teaching you. His beliefs are outrageous: school from 7:30 - 5:30, no Summer vacation, and merit funding? it will just end in disaster so Kara, Sara, Amy and I are working on that. Amy is very nice actually, well better than 10th grade where she... the past is the past, and for now she seems really cool; i was skeptical about how it would work out, but i think everything will be fine.

So in math today we were assigned a project which isn't due until the next class period after break, i looked it up in my agenda and that is december 2nd! three days from amanda's birthday and ten from mine. good gosh november went so fasttt, this year besides september went by so fastt! I'll be graduating in no time...

GAH, I feel old. (: I'm so excited and H Todd's birthday party is saturday and I am quite excited, I'm considering asking mother about taking me to the mall which i hate so i can get her her present. Ahh, I forgot to ask her what size she was... i'll assume medium and get a gift receipt, that is if the shirt is still in stock, of which i hope it is.

ohkay, that's about all for now.
time to spell check and get this baybee up (:

5135765363

that number keeps calling me. D:
they need to stop, because they never call at the right time and i don't know who they are.
apparently, according to white pages, they are in ohio.
any creative suggestions on why they might be calling me fro the last three weeks?

oh dear lord.

this was just too amazing.
at first i thought katie's facebook was hacked but whe i tried it it worked too.

ahhh. okay so this is when i tell you how to do something a you do it. hokay? hokay.

up up
down down
left right
left right
B
A
enter
up down

this is the keyboard, btw.
and then when you scroll down these magic looking circle things pop up.
TRY IT.
:D

oh hello veganism day: one.

all's well in my life currently. math and other assorted things of little or no importance happened today, the eating is going well too. peanut butter bagels, cinamon taost crunch (the taste you can see), and a granny smith the grandmother of all apples. ;D

tonihgt we are going to texas roadhouse for margaritas, and i shall be the designated driver, go mee. i have yet to decide what i am going to eat because it's like a steakhouse and usually when i went there before i ate the grilled cheese. so maybe i will google the menu before we head out. complicated, but worth it.

mmm, that's really about it, actually. i'm still exhausted from the disney movie marathon at meghann's house so i'll probably go to bed early tonight, haha yusss. (:



neato, eh?

on the subject of religion

i do not know what to believe. never have i noticed how many people in my class are as insecure about their faith, if that is what you wish to call it, as i am. i don't know what i am looking for, but if i find it, it will strike me like lightning. the other sunday we discussed prayers, i found out that hardly anyone, besides the chapmans, pray daily and whenever i pray it never comes true.
i prayed hard for two months for something not selfish or vain, but for a friend and a good cause and nothing happened, maybe that is what started this whole ordeal of doubting, and oh, of course, the hypocrisy that surrounds the whole christian lifestyle is a big one, also.
i just can't picture myself believing in something that i can't see. i need tangible proof other than the answer of "look all around you" these 'proofs' and 'miracles' can be assigned a scientific origin. evolution is more believable than some deity being lonely and making the universe. i cannot grasp this concept for the life of me.
this isn't a new delima i have been going through, it's actually been over a year since i began thinking of what is really out there and what isn't.

all i can do now is live for today and not worry about this god until maybe one day that "epiphany" or "light bulb" goes off in my head and i know which road i will travel along.

i hate how

i can't depend on my blog update thing for anything. i have a TON of blogposts from meghan and amanda and it told me squwat about it. so i took the time it takes to write a small blog and tell you the events of this weekend.

in short: meghan and i went to meghann's and we watched disney movies until like six. then meghan and i went to mcd's and got food, we headed to her house and then church blah blah.

i have a blog about church to post later, but with the ammount of time before the tub is full, it will have to wait until post-bath/reading session.

what am i readng? the final few pages of pride and prejudice and zombies. (:
amazing book.
-->

if

Matthew Macfadyen promised to never cut his hair short i'd marry him in a heartbeat.

YUMMM.

sorry bob, but his man is british and has charisma.

as i was lying in bed

i considered why i refused to have a television in my room when in fact i had one in there anyways. this television doesn't have cable or anything, but it does contain a built in vhs player. i use this to watch nothing but disney movies. i have remodeled by bookshelf to cater to these needs and the entire first row is filled with old vhs tapes of disney masterpieces and a few others that i view less often like josie and the pussycats, harry potter uno, and spice world.
so i sat there in bed listening to the hunchback of notre dame, which i have been listening to for many nights, and i started pondering what my favorite disney movies were...

so here we go (:





and if you click on the pictures you can hear my favorite songs from that movie (: okay so the black cauldron doesn't really have a song, so i put this adorable movie trailor for something like winnie the pooh 's quest to the black cauldron... it's rofl worthy.

so

i'm heavily considering why we did not have school today, it is perfectly fine besides the fact there are tons of leaves on the ground and it's quite windy with occasional showers.

why couldn't we have yesterday off?



mid nor'easter and still going to school, horrible, but today alls well and no school... alas.

i find myself blogging more frequently, this is a good sign of my road to recovery from this, now, four month slump of anti social, bitchy moodiness that effected my everyday lifestyle. it's time to pick up the remaining shards of my life and move on to a lifetime of bliss.

today has beeeeen so uneventful that i find myself wishing that i had gone to school, i have done nothing but sit at the computer desk and mosey around. i did come to a self conclusion that i will play any game on facebook that involves an aquarium.
i have a fishville :

i have a fishworld :

and i have a happy aquarium :


i mean i already have a fish that everyone knows and loves logan. so i don't see why i have a collection of others. so onto a more pleasant subject, with more enthusiasm towards blogging i'm considering revampimg by blog to a more enthusiastic theme. rofl?

of course everyone seems to have moved to tumblr coughmisshayleytoddcough or aren't bloging that much anymore coughamandacough, but i will continue to use this rather than my tumblr, which i only have to follow said todd and robert samuel morris <3 does anyone still do that less than three thing anymore anyways? well pardon if you were offended by my said lameness.

i put too much product in my hair D: random but true, so i'll settle this battle while i eagerly await the arrival of my mother.

or not.

no lie: once i post an ending, i hardly ever do it.

tata.
:D

my life.

it's a bad sign that this currently tops my favorite songs list.

Wait, watched you throw out your bouquet
Now I think about you everyday
I'm alone now in my bed

And there's a lake
And at the bottom you'll find all our friends
They don't swim cause they're all dead
We never are what we intend or invent

Cause I make little lies and then I pull them apart
Think something dark's living down in my heart
And if I wanted to die before I got old
I should've started some years ago digging that hole

Well I carry this box to the proper place
And when I lower it down
I let it you fade away
I hoped that you would do this for me
I'd serve you drugs on a silver plate
If I thought it would help you get away
I hoped that you would do this for me

A deer that a hunter shot in the heart
Some dogs that got hit by cars
All came to spill their guts
And we spoke
About the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
And which psalms we had loved the most
And then we all turned to dirt
And dust

Some men die under the mountain just looking for gold
Some die looking for a hand to hold

Well I carry this box to its proper place
And when I lower it down
I let you fade away
I hoped that you would do this for me
I'd serve you drugs on a silver plate
If I thought it would help you get away
I hoped that you would do this for me

I'm slowly bringing you down from the heavenly gates
Now I'm drowning in the flood I made
Well explain myself to me on the other side
I'll watch from Heaven when I die

Well I carry this box to the proper place
And when I lower it down
I let you fade away
I hoped that you would do this for me
I'd serve you drugs on a silver plate
If I thought it would help you get away
I hoped that you would do this for me

i seriously wish

with the majority of my heart that we don't have school tomorrow.
i don't trust menchville and my driving in a storm of hurricane proportions.
and i will not ride that yellow crypt of a school bus with my life.
no sir.

i would freak out if i ever saw this, no lie.

D: oragami spiders.

by summer i'll have you on your knees

i haven't spoken to my mother since friday night.
but i have my father's heart around my fingers so i still get to go out with amanda today.

he says i'm breaking her heart, i don't think she has a heart to break.

i have only come to rant

just because someone is fat doesn't make them short.
there is such a thing as a fat tall person case in point moi.

i'm tired of having only one style of jeans in multiple colors
and always having to wear a camisole under my tshirts.

american needs to cater to the tall plus sized women.

the end.