i do not know what to believe. never have i noticed how many people in my class are as insecure about their faith, if that is what you wish to call it, as i am. i don't know what i am looking for, but if i find it, it will strike me like lightning. the other sunday we discussed prayers, i found out that hardly anyone, besides the chapmans, pray daily and whenever i pray it never comes true.
i prayed hard for two months for something not selfish or vain, but for a friend and a good cause and nothing happened, maybe that is what started this whole ordeal of doubting, and oh, of course, the hypocrisy that surrounds the whole christian lifestyle is a big one, also.
i just can't picture myself believing in something that i can't see. i need tangible proof other than the answer of "look all around you" these 'proofs' and 'miracles' can be assigned a scientific origin. evolution is more believable than some deity being lonely and making the universe. i cannot grasp this concept for the life of me.
this isn't a new delima i have been going through, it's actually been over a year since i began thinking of what is really out there and what isn't.
all i can do now is live for today and not worry about this god until maybe one day that "epiphany" or "light bulb" goes off in my head and i know which road i will travel along.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
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