oh fudgenuggets;

my karma is going down the drain for realzz. I now pledge that; with this blog as my witness no cow will pass my lips.
beef - NO
steak - NO
other assorted meat products - NO
kissing an adorable cow - MAYBE
i've always enjoyed cows.
all my classes got messed up and tierra switched out of black class. my dad was being a major loser and then on thursday my retainer was broken, well i discovered that is broken and it is going to take like one hundred and fifty dollars to replace. sweet baby jesus that is alot. Then last night my phone fell out of my pocket at amc24 and loe and behold was stolen. D: not happy at all, we searched everywhere for it and even went back to the theater this morning and it was nowhere. Then I shut the door on my bad foot and mother says I can't get moon shoes.
what a wonderful week I had.
luckily i had insurance and on monday i will have my new voyager, but it really pushes my buttons that all my pictures, texts, and numbers were in there. And somewhere out there some ignorant theif is listening to my durden; i could cry.
oh i already did.

oh voyager. :(
but i'm babysitting tonight -- young children, and i finally got my school folders. I WILL PASS LATIN! And I managed to get a hannah montana christmas ornament for forty cents... go walmart.

and i got new sunglasses; they are yellow. So i guess everycloud has a silver lining.
I'll save up my money to get a new memory card for my phone so i can put both DURDEN CDS on it. yeah; i'll keep thinking positive things.
(:

no no.

was born alone

and lived alone

will rot alone

and die alone.

alas; i miss david.

so i heard you like

alphabet soup.
babysitting small children.
carrying large bags.
doing people's hair and makeup.
egg burritos.
fish in colorful tanks.
going to shows.
having people over.
intelligent conversations.
jump roping.
knock knock jokes.
laughing.
making baked goods.
new people.
oragami swans.
purple socks.
quitting jobs.
reading books.
sleeping in.
taking long baths.
ugly dresses.
very cherry jelly beans.
wombats.
xray machines.
yolanda yells alot.
zebra prints.


abstract posts relating to nothing and everything at the same time;
i post too much of mym life in myspace bulletins.

http://bulletins.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=bulletin.read&authorID=394661748&messageID=6316531289&MyToken=b7e67e9f-a579-44e4-a14e-b9943057343c

i

i am at a loss for words to describe my day.
i started my day off my texting jesi, of whom i haevn't had a decent conversation with in a long while.
i attempted to fix my hair from the previous night.
i broke of my new years resolution and i explored a playplace.
i went to the mall with gabriella and various others and tried to complete my scavenger hunt.
i saw hayley todd and her sister, heather, who still for some reason intimidates me, even though heather seems like a nice person.
i was going to say hi but they looked over, started laughing, and picked up their pace. so, regardless, i let the subject drop.
i think the todds and morris haven't settled their conflict as well as i was led on to believe, but whatever.
i fell asleep playing guitar hero after attending dinner with the morris clan and just read the third part of my novel.
i believe my voyager is slowly turning to crap and i am going to have it sent in for a new one.
i think that's lame.
I have been thinking a lot lately.

and

I think that i think too much.

excuse my french.

i hate fucking twilight.
as soon as i get my copy back; it's going in the fucking trash, after i rip that peice of shit in half.
this is what i get for wanting there to be a movie.

and i knew it would happen too, but i just welcomed the whole mess with open fucking arms.

isn't it a shame.

that people don't value your existense even when you would bend over backwards to see them smile?

alas, exam week. it's over. thank goodness, not even getting out at ten fifty, can lift the gloom set in from those horrid tests. Math -- eww. Latin -- ewwer. I'm not to confident on my abilities in those classes, but all i need is a D to keep my B in the class.
If there is a God, help me now. curve the testssss. haha.

I saw Torie AND Paige today, talked to them BOTH. Reading Miss Todd's blg opened my eyes to the fact that I have been avoiding a gabilloion of my own friends, though i don't think avoiding would be the best term to use in my situation. It isn't my fault that all of my friends basically hate each other. That giant circle last year -- dead. Everyone has moved on to a different clique, a different group of friends whatever. And now I just kind of stand there in the morning by myself until gabriella gets there and then go to the cafeteria. I saw Torie and Matt today and Torie said the oddest thing, she had no friends here at menchville. When did this happen? And Paige is like best friends with Bridget? Whaaaaa? Caroline hangs out with Steven Griggs and Shamu? Bridget and Mari don't even talk that much anymore. They were like this (crossed fingers). I don't talk to Tisha outside of myspace, I never see Breyden. It's like we are all oblivious to each other's existense. But I'm going to work on that, I swear.

But moving on to a happier more cheerful note:

durden, what?
durden at bamboozle, what?
me possibly going to see durden at bamboozle, what?
:D !

i'm rather excited about that, but i wouldn't get my hopes up, though mother thinks it is a good idea at the time there is still three to four months for her to frown upon the idea of sending me to New Jersey to savor a band she sin't too fond of...
that's not durden, it's 3oh!3 and their raunchy lyrics and pointless existense, that mother is all like wahhhh about.
oh well, my hope stays storng for the time being.

oh and as of 1:33 today aj is pissed at john.
ANNNNNDDDD my myspace background is the color of my camisole from llbean.
jesi would be so proud(:


:D

!@#$tellmethatyoulovememore.

i'm going to go as far as saying the answer to all of life's problems can be found under my bed.

thank you lack of organizational skills.

kill the lights.

i'm gonna live it up and use a subtle navy blue, now.
you can't stop me now. This marvelous three day weeked consists of me mainly living at gabriella's house, limited carbohydrate intake, and watching moves.
Uneventful to some but not I.
I managed to see vampire diary, sex drive, another gay movie, the little mermaid two, snippets of yes man, and my bloody valentine3D.
i enjoyed most of them, excluding the gay one and vampire diary. I mean it was about spoileralert some crazy chick killing people and drinking their blood and people killing themselves to feed her fetus the "vampire baby" *rolls eyes* i think we are running out of ideas. And then i found out that coraline is going to be in 3D! excitement.
I also exposed ryan to the wonders of old school technology gameboy color, ftw.
Let's see confirmation class was confirmed, and gabriella and i made cookie cake. we could have made either, but cookie cake oozes amazingness. and it had a flower on it. and today i spent the entire day with amanda.
it was a joyous occaision considering her mother let her not only go to see the R movie without and adult, but let her stay until like sixoclock.

Life is looking up as Durden would say.


ohhhh and CIWWAF is coming to the Norva the ... 23rd? yeah of february and i realllllllyyyy want to go.
it would be amazing if i didn't have to go by myself, though.
they'll be there with meg&dia and every avenue and another band i am not familiar of, but it seems amazinggggggg(:

"enjoi"

as my mclovin' would say.

(Untitled Fragment)

Little Solace Comes
to those who grieve
when thoughts keep drifting
and this great blue world of ours
seems a house of leaves

moments before the wind.

dear tisha,

if you read this please don't take it too personally. you aren't the only one i know who has done this.

i just don't get it when you break up with someone who is trully an amazing person to go out with a total douchebag.
that guy really is to quote people a "gay" and some people even say "manwhore" if you go to the movies with someone with a reputation like his you better be ready for some inappropriate happenings.

Tell me is there some sort of inner beauty in total assholes that i just can't see?

-sigh-

buttt then to say after that experience that you were wrong and want your 'baby back'; that's just ughhhish. and then the poor thing takes you back? what is wrong with this picture? insert facepalm here.

but on a happier note;

i went on my feild trip today after frantically scrambling to all my classes this morning to find the teachers. it was interesting, i guess. some langley air force base tour and a description of what they do. it wasn't what i was expecting at all since i was going from a food class... but i went inside this big truck thing and you could go on top of it too, but rule number 12 is that is you get up make sure you can get back down and i wasn't so sure about that part... haha.(: and then we went to some lab and the guy had braces and i thought he was a winner even though his speech was soooo boring, and then we went to some fueling thing. Afterwards, we headed down to this place in the middle of nowhere and some guy talked to us about liquid oxygen which was boiling even though it was like 30 degrees. and goodness it was cold and there were little eighth grade boys without jackets and i felt bad for like two seconds and then remembered how annoying they were. they were very annoying. Then we headed down to the el fire station where i sat in a Firetruck! yeahhhh.(: and finally we got to eat; by then i was starving. i ate like a grilled cheese some fries and a drink for $1.10, duddeeee that was like SUPER CHEAP. my doctor pepper was only fifteen cents. It twas amazing. Though it wasn't amazing enough for me to actualy join the air force. AAAANNNNDDD I got back at like 2 so i walked around until the buses were called. I would have chilled at interact, but gabriella had singing and jesi couldn't stay so ohhhweeelll.(: I'm going to go to some math so i can do well on my exam and keep my B in the class. Mother would have a baby cow if I got a C... maybe I should study for Latin too. I sort of understand everything, but not as well as i should and if i am going to pass I'll need a miracle and I think that miracle is studying.

I loathe exam week, well except for the fact we get out at like ten fifty, that is.

meghann

subrscribes to lindsey lohans blog...
O____o

that is all.

Now we've got a big, big mess on our hands tonight.

brother, noooooooo.

<>gabriella is talking to fawn.

<>contemplating what make someone a teenie or not.

diehard, no.

but moving on to a happier note, my room and bathroom are almost finished with the cleaning and the process of tidying up and so forth and it's amazing.

there's a giant bag o cosmetics asking to be used... fascinating.

while i'm being ignored and my cats are being bashed, i should go take a shower because my hair is all blahhhh and such, it's quite lame and i am a lame-o since i am allowing my hair to be lame.

i don't really enjoy it and all that crazy hoohaness.

oh hurrr.

<>and gabriella is upset about people spreading her business around. though i mean i can go with the whole say it to my face kind of things, but some time you need to get things off your chest and they make you sound all meanie and weenie like. it's just i don't know upsetting her for some reason. I mean if someone tells me something in trust I wouldn't go around talking about it.

<>

I just don't find it kosher.

space comma bitch dot dot dot.

haha, i saw donnie darko today, it was AMAZING. I haven't really enjoyed a movie like that since like wall e.

<>(: so it's highly recomended to anyone that reads this, though i doubt anyone really does.

oh and: GRAMMAR IS YO FRIEND(:

Pitchas?!

mmm, that thing mad my blog reallllyyy looooooong.
maybe i'll make a lame slideshow to replace it.

my cat is sleeping on the television

i have the urge to bake something i really do it's all like wahhhh. but my oven doesn't work and it's going to cost agabillion dollars to get a new custom oven built in, because our wall is too small for a present day wall oven.

what lame-o's. like demetri and his doucheee self.(: even though we mean it from the bottom of our hearts; he bought me a cookie today for lunch. what a sweetheart.

I got a 102 on my latin quizzzz and a 97 on a math quiz it was such a week of epic proportions AND aubrey came back to culinary arts for the first time since like november. EPIC.

it's been a good week back at school and not as bad a expected.

DYC yesterday got me a chubcity car from taco bell, haha it's amazing... i wonder if photobucket has a picture of my car? no, and the closest they have is the red one on ebay which isn't as cool as my purple one.(:

we are doing presentations in english andn caroline and i are working together, we are going to wing it, considering she didn't read the book, well she read chapter seven... so i'm going to go look for the answers on spark notes and email them to her.

i should do that now...

success, there isn't that much on there about rhetorical strategies on chapter seven in douglass, i'll actually have to use my brain, ewwuhhh.

so i was going through my pictures remininic[sp?]ing and deleting them because father told me to and i found these.
they make me smile.(:

http://www.slide.com/r/hJ3aOBlH4z-ncpLAej2-mrltjMAWY1uT?previous_view=mscd_embedded_url&view=original

even andrew's FIRST sweater.

maybe 2008 wasn't so bad after all....

take that oprah

the mailman ripped my magazine cover in half when he was shoving it through the mail slot.
but it was just pink so i don't care.
i'm not fond of her obviously.

anddddddd i really wanted to bake something so i was like TOASTER OVEN YEAH... and if i had let the parchment paper and cookies bake the full term i'm pretty sure the oven would have caught fire and i don't do well under pressure so the fire extinguisher would serve little to no purpose.
...pull the pin
aim
...
SQUEEEZZZEEE.
span>
that other "s" i hope it isn't too important.
i have math homework and frerick douglas related things to do.
but i don't want to do them.
this is how you fail the eleventh grade, audience.
sitting here, failing at baking, wondering if meghan got her permit, and browsing internetstores.
i might go read house of leaves for awhile too.
and redo my myspace.
i can't keep it it the same way forlike a week.
goodness(:


what to do, what to do?

and why

do males feel that they are sooo attractive and don't need to wear shirts in their defaults?
that is so vain.
that's like me posting a photo with my chest hanging out.
how tacky.
i mean even dane did it, but i don't think the main purpose of his is to show off his body.
i do not want to see steven griggs without a shirt.

someone should tell him to put a shirt on.

greedy ole me.

i wish i had a best friend i could see all the time.
i wish i could be as pretty as i wanted to be.
i wish i had a skill or talent that would make my personality shine.
i wish virginia was a better place to live
with better people who'd be willing to give
me the time of day, and sincerely care about what i have to say.
i wish people would stop telling me all their secrets and problems
it drags me down even though they don't notice at times.
i love you, i really do, but when will it come clear to you?
that i'm not one to give advice
or tell anyone how to live their lives.

i can barely survive mine.

mmm, barbarians.

so it has come apparent to me that this break has been completely uneventful for the most part.
the most eventful thing was probably finding my copy of house of leaves after pre-alabama tearing apart my room looking for it... it was on a bookshelf. since when do i put books where they belong.?
span>
i told myself that i would finish it, but since i found it tonight and i am on chapter one the possibility of finishing it and frederick douglas is slim to none, but i am leaning towards the none side of the scale.
my vegetarianism is going well except for the taco bell i had today, but i wanted to try the chessy rice beef melt, whatever, but i asked permission and no more breaking the rules. nada, okay so that's one resolution ruined after what, two days? maybe less, but i promise it's the last time. those commercials will no longer haunt me... haha.
span>
it didn't even taste that good for 89cents anywaysss.
mother and i went bonding after her and rhonda had a spur of the moment let's have a three hour lunch together even though i'll see you later on today sort of thing... it soundslike something amanda and i would do, actually... (: we went to this place coldwater creek to return a shirt and she wanted me try on jeans because they seemed pretty long. and how anti-climatic, they were too short. it's so hard to find fitting jeans if you are tall and not modelesque like miss jesi walker.

and the store clerk lady debbie? i think that's her name is like stalkerish and all buy this! kind of personality... creepiness.
and then we headed to joshheeee's and he took my voyager and texted gabriella to tell her that he was scared of her... i would have thought intimidated was a better wrld to describe the inamity between them.
i got socks and headbands for christmas.
with little guitars and music notes on them... they are not toe socks.
i might give the guitar pair to mother.

depends.

i have also learned today that amanda seems to be fascinated with how many ways you can arrange bath towels, judging by her cruise pictures... i wonder how she finds these friends on cruises... they seem like nice people, really. i'm quite jealous of her skills on making friends, she seems so good at it while my hereditary quiteness it makes me think what would happen if i were to go on a cruise like that... would i have friends?
probably not, i'm pretty dab and suck at smalltalk, but it's not like i would go on a cruise anyways... since i'm deathly afraid of being on boats.
i blame titanic.

considering it's two in the morning.
i should get sleep since, oh, tomorrow i go back to school.
and it's a gold day.
i hate gold days.
laske for ap, then dissect some eyeball, do a skit in sociology, and take a ton of notes in history.
no, not fun at all. but next year i'll be a senior and then, ughh.
nevermind. why bother worrying myself this late at night... morning? i hate thinking about the future, moving out, college, living, taxes, jobs, dying... nothankyou, i'd rather stay seventeen forever.

but that isn't my decision is it?

alas, the year, i knew it well...

so let's put this last year into perspective, what have i learned that'll help me in the real world? probably nothing other than social skills which i still fail miserably at, but this year, i hope, will be different.
but isn't that what everyone thinks when they look to the future or answer the end of the year myspace surveys that put the last year into perspective always saying that the next year will be better and list the resolutions that they never or hardly ever keep? i'm going to exercise more... eat healthier... keep in touch with people... become nicer... they are all the same to me. and most people forget them by february anyways, so why bother, really...

but i'll sincerely try. i really will. even if mine are lame and unoriginal.
like: losing weight
being a vegetarian
talk to david and everyone else that seem distant even if they live down the road

get my license
and not be such a spoiled bitch, like some people say. it doesn't really require too much change does it?

maybe it does, but i could care less no actually i do really care about what people say.

i'm going to read the sparknotes for that book i need to read for ap.
attempt some questions
and get some sleep.