i feel

disconnected.
strange because usually in life i seem to have control over what i do or things i say, but lately my moods have been on the fritz. Like now for instance, i freaked out because gabriella's song was by a day to remember, and the thing running throught my head was "she can't take them away from me." whaaat? i don't own that band... i really enjoy them, but they aren't top five. And it doesn't bother me with anyone else just her, and sometimes jesi. i love them both to death, but aghhh words can't explain my feelings of anger towards them sometimes. for no apparent reason. things have just been pushing my buttons and i'm worried. Strike what i said earlier, it isn't jesi i get mad at it's gabriella. it's always her. i don't fight with any of my friends except her. how can too people who are so close and so alike be such polar opposites?

but whatever, this will pass, they always do, the i'm worthless, feel bad for me stages. it's probably for the attention i'm such a shallow person at times.

but on a positive note: i got nightworld volume three today.
i'm on book two, the first one was soo amazing. i love how l.j. smith balances romance and plot, it's just amazing.

i'm going to go do something horrible now, and i'm sure i'll regret it later, but i'm just so frustrated with myself, I doubt there is any other way to calm down.

goodnight.